We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
