new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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