Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
