so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
