My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
