After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
