apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
