Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
