i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
