Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
