I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
