You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
