I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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