You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
