So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I color on your dick again?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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