as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
