Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
