I need help removing her.
Someone shit on the floor
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
