To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
