I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
