i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
