A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
