im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
