glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
