I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
