I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
