The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
