I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
