thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You pole danced in your parka.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
