Whod you bang
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
