who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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