I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
