I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
