just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
