oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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