I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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