Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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