We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
