It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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