just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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