maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
