Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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