So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
