Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
