yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
