I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
