I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
