Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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