There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i will never coherently bang her
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
