nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
