Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
